The Phonebook
by Kat-of-the-Streets
Summary: Modern AU. Robert and Cora have been separated for a year. She moved back to New York but he finds out that in fact she is living in England again.
1. Chapter 1

AN: Written on whim because eyeon said she (he?) would read the phonebook if I wrote it. I wanted to see if it was true :)

Challenge accepted and completed so to speak ;)

Hope you enjoy this.

Kat

* * *

The Phonebook

He picks up the new phonebook that had been delivered to his London house the same morning. All three of his daughters laugh about him for still using a phonebook, they check phone numbers online and save them in their mobile phones, but he likes things that are in print.

His daughters and sons-in-law call him terribly old-fashioned but then he supposes that that is what he is. He is the Earl of Grantham after all, head of a very old family and how would that even be possible if he wasn't old-fashioned? He is a little scared of what will happen when he is gone. In an unbelievable twist of fate, his eldest daughter fell in love with his heir, a fourth cousin twice removed, so not really a relative, but someone with the same last name. So at least their estate in Yorkshire will stay in the family. But he doubts that Matthew could be called a traditionalist. He is a successful lawyer and Robert is a little afraid that Matthew will turn the house over to the National Trust Fund just to not have to bother with caring for the estate. Robert himself isn't always sure whether it's worth all the hassle. He spends almost all of his time in London. Or at least he has been doing so ever since separating from his wife. The separation took place a little over a year ago and it still shakes him to his bones that it happened.

He met Cora while spending a semester abroad at Columbia University. They fell in love and got married when they were 25, which didn't seem too early 30 years ago. They had their girls in quick succession and when they were told that Cora wouldn't have another baby they accepted the fact that they wouldn't have an heir. It didn't matter, the girls were all born in 1980s, not the 1880s, so they didn't really care. They didn't think about the succession too much, they would either find the heir or they wouldn't and if they wouldn't find him, the earldom would lapse and the house and everything else would go to their eldest daughter Mary. He always thought that he and Cora were happy, they had gotten married out of love after all. But something went wrong between them and he still doesn't know what and why. All he remembers is that he had the feeling that Cora didn't care for him anymore, that he kissed the secretary because he was desperate, that Cora found out and went back to New York five days later. Before she left, they decided not to file for a divorce right away, the reason being that they were both too exhausted and too tired from the emotional strain to care. They agreed to get divorced should one of them want to get married again. He keeps hoping that it will never happen.

As he always does when he gets a new phone book, he opens it to find himself in there. Just to check whether the number is correct. He finds himself right away and looks at the entry.

Crawley, Robert

It doesn't say anything else except for his phone number and address, but why should it. He looks at the two entries above and below his name.

Crawley, Mary and Crawley, Sybil. Then he looks at the names about Mary's and realizes once again that his family is probably the only one named Crawley in all of London.

Crawley, Matthew

Crawley, Edith

Crawley, Cora

He has to read the top name again. Crawley, Cora. According to the address listed in the phone book, she only lives a few streets away from their house. Why his daughters didn't tell him that their mother was back in England is beyond him. But he doesn't care about that. Without thinking about what he is doing, he puts his shoes and jacket back on and walks to her house. He rings at her doorbell and for a fleeting second he thinks that it is possible that it might be another Cora Crawley. But when the door is opened and he sees his wife his heart stops beating for a second.

"Robert, you are all wet," she says. He hadn't noticed the rain pouring down. "Come inside or you'll get sick." He listens to her. He isn't capable of thinking.

"What are you doing here?" She asks him.

"I saw your name in the new phone book. And then I just left and walked here. It wasn't far. Why are you living here?"

"I've lived in England for so long that I missed it terribly when I was in New York."

"Why didn't you tell me you were moving here? Three streets down from our house?"

"I was scared you'd ask me not to move here."

"Why would I do that?"

"Because we used to be happy together."

He looks at her and sees the sadness in her eyes and then he knows why he went to see her the moment he found out that she was in London again.

"Darling, I am so so sorry for everything. I shouldn't have kissed that secretary, it was the most stupid thing I've ever done. And it was disgusting. So disgusting that I haven't kissed anyone else since then."

"You haven't kissed anyone else in over a year?"

"No."

"That means you haven't?"

"No, I haven't. In over a year."

"We've got something in common then."

"Why didn't you?"

"Because I could never do it without love. And the person I loved was in England all the time, not talking to me because I made a horrible fool out of myself."

"Is that why you came back?" He can't believe it. If what she says is true, there is a chance for them after all.

"Yes."

He leans towards her and kisses her. It is a feeling of elation and judging by her reaction it is the same for Cora. In a frenzy of emotion, need and desire they dance a very familiar dance in her living room.

When they are done he has no idea how much time he has already spent at Cora's house but he doesn't want to leave and he tells her so.

"Why?" she asks.

"Because I love you," he says. He starts to shiver now, afraid of what she will say.

"I love you too, darling." They smile at one another.

"The girls are having dinner at our house tonight. Why don't you come too? Not to stay the night, if you don't want to. Just to have dinner."

"And if I want to stay the night?"

"Then you'll do it."

"Robert, are we crazy?" 'Yes', he thinks.

"Why?" he asks.

"Because we haven't talked in a year. I didn't even tell you I came back here. And then you show up at my door, we talk for five minutes and then we find ourselves on my new couch with no clothes on, you asking me to spend the night at our house."

"It sounds crazy, but love is a crazy thing, isn't it?"

"Robert, we can't just go back to who or what we were. We need time to heal."

"Yes. But maybe we will actually heal."

"I think we will."

"I am glad I looked up my own name in the phone book. And found yours. Because I lost you and I missed you."

She kisses him and says "I'll go pack an overnight bag. Chances of me coming back her tonight are very close to zero."

He calls a cab for them while she packs and then he takes her home. The phonebook is still open on the table and he hopes that the next edition will feature the same phone number next to their names again.


	2. Chapter 2

I couldn't resist turning this into a two shot :)

* * *

She is a little mad at her father. He invited her and her sisters to his house for dinner, which actually is rather nice of him, but he did it for the day that Matthew is coming back from a six week business trip to Singapore and her father insisted on spending the evening alone wither and her sisters, without their husbands or boyfriends. She picked Matthew up from the airport, went home with him, told him she loved him and then had to leave again. When she rings the doorbell it is the butler that lets her and her sisters into the house. She still has to laugh about her father having a butler, although she supposes it is a step forward as her grandfather even used to have a valet.

"Your father will be down shortly," the butler says as dignified as ever.

"Let's go into the living room. Shortly can mean anything between three minutes and two hours with Papa." She has to laugh at Sybil's comment and follows her but then her eyes fall at something out of the ordinary.

"Edith, Sybil, come here." Her sisters return, looking taken aback at her summoning.

"Look at that."

"What about it?"

"It's a pair of women's shoes. And a woman's jacket."

"Papa has got a girlfriend."

"You know what this means."

"No."

"It means that he is a hypocrite. I wasn't allowed to bring Matthew although I haven't seen him in six weeks, but he can bring his girlfriend? A woman we didn't know existed, let alone have ever met?"

"He probably wanted her to meet just us first. Before throwing her to the dogs. You know what Matthew and Tom are like. They almost ripped Michael's head of."

"Well, he did get you pregnant within the first three months of your relationship."

"And we are very happy."

"Edith"

"Mary"

"Stop fighting you two. I am glad Papa trusts us enough to introduce his new girlfriend to us."

"Well, he'll stop trusting us as soon as he finds out that Mama has been back in London for almost two months and we didn't tell him."

"She asked us not to."

"Still, I wonder if it was such a good idea, not to tell him. And we will have to tell her about this new girlfriend."

"Let's hope it doesn't break her heart."

"Cora, the girls are here, I heard the doorbell ring. You have to get ready." The moment he enters the bedroom he thinks he has stumbled upon a battlefield.

"What is this? How many clothes did you bring? You only had one small bag."

"Yes. But I forgot I still had clothes here. I just found them in my closet. You didn't change anything in there."

"Why would I? It is your stuff. And this is still your house just as much as it is mine. I thought you'd let the girls get your things if you needed them."

"Well, I will have to sort through them."

"Now?" He is exasperated by his wife and it makes him very happy because he missed her antics so much.

"Not now, necessarily. But I still need to get ready. I need to fix my hair and put on makeup."

"You look beautiful the way you are."

"Thank you. But the girls will think that we, you know"

"They will think that if we stay up here any longer too. And it isn't that far from the truth."

"Why don't you go downstairs and I follow you as soon as I'm ready."

"Oh, all right." He walks over to her and kisses her and then leaves the room.

When he goes into the living room, his daughters are staring at him incredulously.

"So you are allowed to bring someone to this dinner then," Mary says and she looks so much like her mother when she says this that he has trouble not to break into loud laughter.

"What?"

"There are women's shoes in your hallway. You've obviously got a girlfriend here."

"Hm"

"Don't deny it Papa. And I don't mind, we don't mind. It's your decision. But you told me I couldn't bring Matthew because you wanted us to yourself and we were fine with that, but Matthew returned from Singapore today and I would have liked to spend some time with him. But I accepted your wish because I thought you were lonely. Had I known that you were going to introduce your new girlfriend to us, I would have insisted on a different date."

"Mary, I know. But this is a very recent development and I,"

"And you what? How long have you known that she would be joining us for dinner tonight?"

"A few hours."

"A few hours? Papa you are crazy. You can't just let a woman you've decided today to do god knows what with have dinner with us. I mean you can, but not under these circumstances."

"I didn't decide that today. I only asked her today if she would like to come for dinner and she said yes."

"And you didn't think you should have told us."

"It was supposed to be a surprise."

"A surprise?" Mary looks as if she was ready to explode with anger and Sybil looks as if she was ready to explode with joy. He nods at Sybil whose face breaks into huge smile upon the confirmation of her suspicion.

"What kind of surprise is that Papa? I don't often do it, but I have to agree with Mary."

"Thank you Edith."

"Mary, Edith, if I were you, I'd shut up," Sybil says and she can obviously hardly contain her laughter.

"Why? He's got some random woman upstairs that he obviously shags and he just invites her here and stops me from having dinner with Matthew."

"I don't think the woman upstairs is a random woman he shags, Mary."

"Sybil, what else should she be?"

"Well, she certainly isn't random."

"How do you know that? Have you met her?" Sybil is drawing this out, she is having too much fun with her sisters and he thinks about stopping her.

"Yes. I've met her. And so have you."

"When?"

"You went shopping with her the day before yesterday."

"I went shopping with, oh." Mary's expression changes from one of pronounced anger to one of utter joy and she walks towards him, hugs him and says "I am sorry for what I have said. It is a wonderful surprise. And I am very happy for you. There is reason to be happy, isn't there?"

"Your mother certainly thinks so. Which means that I think so, because it is all I ever wanted."

"What has Mama got to do with all of this?"

"What have I got to do with what Edith?"

"Papa, you should have just told us."

"I told you, I wanted it to be a surprise."

"Well it certainly is that."

Mary has finally let go of him and turned to her mother and hugs her too and begins to cry. He is a little worried by his oldest daughter's emotional outburst and looks at Edith and Sybil questioningly, but they only shrug their shoulders and look as flabbergasted as he feels. Once Cora has gotten Mary to let go of her, he wants to go the dining room and lets his daughters walk past him and then wants to follow them but Cora grabs his wrists and pulls him back.

"What is going on with Mary?" she asks him.

"I have no idea, but she seems rather emotional. She almost ripped my head off when she thought that in her words I had invited 'some random woman I shag' for dinner but not allowed her to bring Matthew. And when she found out that it was actually you I invited here, she suddenly became all gushy and teary."

"She was like that when I went shopping with her two days ago. Robert, call Matthew and get him here."

"What?"

"There is a reason why it would have been so important for her to spend tonight with Matthew, to be alone with him for at least a short while. She won't want to leave here now, but she will still want to talk to Matthew."

"What could be so important?"

"I think, no I am almost sure, that Mary is finally pregnant. They've been trying for more than a year now and her, let's call it 'emotional state', indicates that it has finally happened. And she only drank water when I went for dinner with her after our shopping trip and that is very unusual for her. Call Matthew, please."

"If we invite Matthew, we also have to invite Tom and Michael. And we don't have enough food for that."

"Then invite them to come here at nine. We should be finished by then. Tell them to come for after dinner drinks. And then we need to give Mary and Matthew some space."

"A second grandchild."

"Yes Robert, we are old."

"No, you aren't old; you will never be old to me."

"You aren't very objective."

"Am I not?"

"No. You love me. You can't be objective. And I thank you for it."

"You are right, I do love you and I am glad you are back."

His wife now warps her arms and around him and kisses him almost senseless.

"Cora, the girls are waiting and I have phone calls to make. And if you go on like this, I will be in no fit state to go into the dining room."

"All right. I'll go ahead, you call those boys. And I love you too."

* * *

AN: What do you think? Should I continue writing this or leave it the way it is?


	3. Chapter 3

AN: I don't think this is very good (but not cringe worthy bad either, or I wouldn't put it on here), but it will lead this story somewhere and I have always wanted to write one of those phone conversations. There is also a little foreshadowing.

Let me know what you think and thanks for your support,

Kat

"So you were right, Mary really is pregnant."

"Yes. And it makes me very happy. She wanted it so much."

"You know, when she was younger I would have never thought her to be the maternal type."

"No, it all changed with Matthew I suppose."

"They are very much in love."

"Yes. That's it, I think, all the clothes are sorted through. Thank you for your help, darling."

"Well, where would I have slept if we hadn't gotten them sorted now?"

"On the couch. Or in one of the guest rooms."

"That is not where I want to sleep the first night I've got you back here."

"No, I suppose not." She says this with a twinkle in her eyes and it makes him laugh. He missed her so much and he decides to take her to bed, in every way possible.

He wakes up later that night when he hears a phone ring and feels his wife struggling free from his embrace.

"It's the New York office. I need to get that. Sorry." She stays in the room, so he can't help but listen to her conversation.

"Hello…yes…you do know I am in London and that is the middle of the night, here, don't you?...Well, it is…All right, but maybe you should check what time it is when you call someone on the other side of the Atlantic…I am awake now anyway, so go ahead…Be in New York in two days? Why?...Oh, what could be that important? I've just transferred to the London office…Yes, that happened because I wanted it…Why? What's that to you? But if you must know, my husband and our daughters are here…No we are not. Andrew, those are really personal questions and I doubt that is the reason why you called me…All right, no there is no chance for that. What do you want?...What kind of offer?...Hold on." She turns to him now.

"Do you have time to go to New York with me for a few days? We'd have to leave the day after tomorrow. Can you get off work?"

"I always can."

"So, should we go to New York, all expenses paid?"

"Why not? A trip to New York might do us good."

"Andrew?...Yes, I'll come. Please book a ticket for my husband as well…What do you mean, that isn't possible? If the people in New York want something so important that it can't be dealt with over the phone, they will be prepared to pay flight tickets and three breakfasts at a hotel for my husband…Robert…Crawley…Yes, I did. Does that bother you?...Good, because it isn't any of your business…September 2nd, 1960…Hold on."

He watches her walk around the bed, open the drawer of his night stand and take out his passport, she then rattles of the number on the passport and rolls her eyes at him while Andrew reads them back to her.

"Yes, that was correct…British…All right, you do that. Thank you…Yes, you too. Bye."

"What offer are they making you?"

"I have no idea, Andrew wouldn't say."

"Who is this Andrew and why did he ask you so many personal questions?"

"He works as an assistant in human resources at the New York office and he fancies himself in love with me, I think. We went out for lunch once and it wasn't a date. I told him so, but I think he didn't listen."

"Are there any other men in New York who fancy themselves in love with you?"

"Maybe, I don't know, I don't think so. But that doesn't matter, because I am certainly not in love with them."

"Are you certain?" He asks this teasingly but he isn't sure she got that.

"I know what falling in love, being in love, feels like. You are the only man I have ever fallen in love with and I am still in love with you, so yes, I am certain that I am not in love with someone else. And now let's go to sleep, because I will have to pack for our trip to New York tomorrow and there are also things at the office here that I need to deal with." She is now lying down next to him again, takes his hand in hers and falls asleep. He stays awake, thinking about the day's events and asking himself if what they are doing is right. They didn't talk to each other for a year, she didn't even tell him that she had moved back to London, she even asked their daughters to keep quiet about it. He missed her more than he thought it was possible to miss someone, but he isn't sure that what they are doing now is right, whether it isn't all too fast, whether they aren't just falling back into their old habits, whether the closeness they have enjoyed so much today isn't just something that is comfortable for them. He wonders if he should talk to Cora about this, if it wasn't better if she went to New York by herself, if she shouldn't sleep at her own house, at least most nights. Judging by today he would guess that she won't ever really go back to her own house, she hasn't said anything, but they got along so well, it had all been so easy for them, that he is almost sure that she will, no already has, moved back into their house and he doesn't know whether that is a good idea.

When he gets up the next morning, all he finds of Cora is a note on the kitchen table, telling him that she had to leave for work early and didn't want to wake him. This is exactly what he was afraid of. It's only their second day back together, and again she puts work first. He is in a bad mood all morning and yells at two different people at the office, something he hardly ever does. He wants to yell at his secretary when she comes into his office shortly before lunch just for interrupting his work and barks "What is it?" at her. "I wanted to ask you if you wanted to have lunch with me." He looks up and it isn't his secretary in his office but his wife. "Yes. Sorry for the yelling, I thought you were the secretary. She's been going on my nerves all morning."

"She told me you were in a rather bad mood and that I should carefully consider going into your office unannounced."

"I am glad you did because I am not in a bad mood anymore." He takes her to lunch and he finds out that the reason she left so early in the morning was that she wanted to be done with work by noon, so that she would have the afternoon to pack her things for New York and cook dinner for them.

"I'll also pack your things too, if you want me to, to save you some time."

"Would you?"

"Yes." He doesn't have to tell her what he needs, she knows what he needs and again this is something that worries him.

When he comes home that night, she greets him in the entrance hall and tells him that she already sent the butler home. She has prepared a delicious meal for them and picked exactly the right wine and they stay at the dinner table for hours, just talking, about them, about their children and about many other things. When he helps her clear the table and clean the dishes, she tells him that they have to leave at 8 the next morning.

"Have you told the girls?"

"Yes. They were a little surprised."

"By me going with you."

"Yes. Mary even said that she thinks we are moving too fast."

"Do you agree?"

"I don't know. It feels right to me. And I love you and I know you love me, so why waste any more time?"

"I don't know," he says and kisses her, because he wants to kiss her, but also because he doesn't want to tell her that he thinks there is grain of truth in Mary's words.


	4. Chapter 4

He falls asleep as soon as the plane takes off in London and only wakes up again when Cora shakes him awake once they have reached JFK. He wants to kick himself because he had planned on talking to her during the flight, but apparently his need to catch up on sleep got the better of him. Cora navigates them through customs and gets them a taxi and then checks them in at the hotel. He realizes why he hates New York so much. When he came there for his semester abroad, he wanted to leave right away, but he met Cora on his second day there and then decided to stay. That had been thirty two years ago and when he saw her for the first time he knew he had to meet her. When he talked to her, he knew he wanted to get to know her better and when he got to know her better he knew he wanted to marry her. He had been sure that he would spent the rest of his life with her and they did spent thirty one wonderful years together, twenty nine of them as husband and wife. But then it all went wrong and a few days ago things seemed to have been put to rights again. That first day with her had had him in a daze, he hadn't been able to believe that he had his wife back and he got carried away. He feels very uncomfortable now, checking into the hotel together with her. Once they have reached their room, he tries to talk to her but she says

"My meeting is in one and a half hours and I have to shower and get ready. Let's talk later."

"So you are putting work first again."

"Robert we came here because the company I work for wants to make me an offer, a rather lucrative one I suppose. Do you expect me to call them and to ask them to postpone the meeting because my husband wants to talk to me?"

"You wouldn't do that."

"No. I wouldn't."

With that she goes into the bathroom, where she stays for almost an hour. When she comes into their room again he looks at her and can't believe how beautiful she is.

"I have to leave. I'll call you when the meeting is over." She gives him a kiss on the cheek and leaves. He stays in their room, staring at the wall and wondering about what to do.

He has no idea how long he has been staring at the wall but when the door to the room opens and it is Cora who walks through it, he knows it must have been quite some time.

"Robert, have been in here all this time?"

"Yes, I was thinking."

"About what?"

"Never mind. What did they want?" It is only then he notices the smile on his wife's face.

"They've offered me the position as creative director."

"What does that mean?"

"Well, I wouldn't be an editor anymore, but I'd be the one to decide which books we actually do edit and publish."

"That is what you always wanted."

"Yes. It's a pity that that job is in the wrong city."

"What? You love New York."

"I do. But I live in London. I missed living in London while I was here."

"That doesn't matter, with that job, you probably wouldn't be missing London at all. It's your dream come true."

"In many ways."

"So when are you going to move here?"

"I don't know. I haven't given them an answer yet."

"Why not?"

"Because I need to think about it. I can't just move here again. I don't want to."

"Why not?"

"Robert, what kind of question is that? The girls are in London, our grandchildren will grow up there, and most importantly you are there."

"Cora, take the job here. We are moving too fast, much too fast. It would be better if we didn't live together."

"We'd be living on different continents."

"Yes. But this isn't 1914. You can fly to London quite regularly. To see the girls and the grandkids. And maybe me from time to time. And then we see where that leads us."

"But you said you love me."

"I do. And I missed you, but what we have had those last few days, it wasn't what I want, it isn't what we need. You said yourself that we need time to heal, but we didn't start a healing process, we fell back into what we were before. And we enjoyed it because it is what we know. It was comfortable and easy, but it will lead to nothing. It will just hurt us both."

"You can't be serious. You fly all the way to New York with me to tell me that you don't want to be with me."

"I've really only made that decision now. How about this. I'll take you out to dinner to celebrate your new job and then I'll go back home."

"You will have to stay the night."

"I'll get a different room."

"Why Robert? Why?"

"Because it is what is best. I don't want us to hurt each other again."

"You've just hurt me quite a lot. I thought we would be happy again, I thought we were happy again. But apparently not. Leave Robert, take your stuff and leave. Tell Mary to text me once you've arrived safely in London. Don't try to contact me, don't ever try that again."

He watches as Cora turns away from him and he reaches for her shoulder. "Cora, I,"

"No. You've made clear what you want, and it is clearly not a relationship with me. I won't say that I won't ever talk to you again, because we will have to talk to each other, for our children's and grandchildren's sakes. But that is it."

The sleep that came to him so easily on the flight to New York eludes him on the flight to London and it leaves him with five hours full of his own thoughts only. His thoughts turn around Cora and the expression on her face when she finally understood what he wanted. She had looked so hurt and so disappointed, the only other time she had looked at him like that had been when he had admitted to kissing that secretary and he wonders if she is going through the same kind of pain now.

Once he is home he calls Mary to tell her to send the text and when he tells her what has happened, Mary comes to his house and tells him that he is the most foolish man in the world.

"But you said that we were moving too fast."

"Yes. I told you to slow down not to stop. But what you've done now might irreparable."

He hopes she is wrong and he keeps thinking about calling Cora, or at least sending her an email, but she asked him not to and so he doesn't do it.

He spends the next two days checking her company's website for the announcement of her having been made the new creative director, but there is nothing. He asks all three of his daughters and Matthew and Tom whether they have heard anything but they all just laugh about him. He even thinks about calling Michael but then changes his mind because he can't forgive Michael for getting Edith pregnant so fast. Although it must have been her fault just as much and he knows he will have to come around soon because the baby will be born in six weeks' time. He supposes that that will be the next time he'll be able to speak to Cora, so against his former feelings on the whole matter, he is now looking forward to becoming a grandfather, if for slightly different reasons than is usual.

It's now been four days since his return to England and he is coming close to regretting not just giving in to Cora, not just taking up their lives again and be happy about it. But they wouldn't have been happy, not really.

Because he didn't expect any company, he sent the butler home and so he has to open the door himself when the doorbell rings shortly after eight. He supposes it to be one of his daughters, possibly with boyfriend or husband, depending on the daughter, in tow but when he opens the door it is Cora who is on the other side of it. Tears are running down her face and she needs several attempts to speak, but eventually she says "I didn't take the job in New York."


	5. Chapter 5

AN:Same problem as usual, so once again, I am really sorry for the double post.

Kat

* * *

"Why not?" He doesn't understand this. "It would have been your dream job. Something you've worked for ever since I've known you."

"Yes. But it would have come at too high a price."

"What price would that have been? What price are you not willing to pay?"

"You. Us. Our marriage."

"What marriage? Cora, we are married to each other, but we don't really have a marriage."

"But we used to have one. A wonderfully happy one. For twenty-nine years. And I want that back and I will fight for it. I will fight for us, I will fight for you."

"Cora, that is a very foolish attempt."

"No, it is not. Let me explain, please."

"All right, come inside." He helps her take of her coat and then takes her to the living room. "Let's sit."

"Robert, you see, you said that the last few days that we spent together were not what they seemed. You said we only felt happy because it was something we knew, something we felt comfortable with. But that wasn't true, not for me. I was happy because I had you back. Because you seemed to have forgiven me for not being the wife I should have been and then running from you because you kissed someone else out of frustration. When I came back to that hotel, and I told you that it was a pity that the job was in the wrong city, I had already made my decision. I had planned on telling you that I would not take the job, that I couldn't do it, that I would go back to London with you. But then you said that you didn't want me to and I was scared and frustrated and so hurt that I just sent you away. And I shouldn't have done that. We should have had dinner together, I should have told you then what I had decided to do, but I couldn't accept that dinner invitation because after what you had said, I couldn't bear to tell you what I had decided to do. But I stuck to the decision regardless."

"Cora, you are telling me that you gave up on your dream job for me. After I had told you, well you know what I said."

"Yes."

"After I had told you that I only wanted to see you from time to time."

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because I love you. I've loved you for over thirty years and it's a feeling that I can't turn off. I don't want to turn it off. I wasn't lying when I told you that I never kissed anyone else because I still loved you. The last year has been horrible. I spent every day debating with myself whether I shouldn't just tell you that I loved you and beg for your forgiveness."

"I kissed someone else. It is I who needs to beg for forgiveness."

"No, you don't have to beg, because I forgave you for it a long time ago."

"Cora, you are making this impossibly hard for me."

"What?"

"I should send you away, I should tell you to call the publishing house now and tell them that you've changed your mind, I should send you on your way to the airport now, I should make sure that you go on a flight to New York, I should tell you that it was very stupid to turn down the job of your dreams for an estranged husband. I should do all that, but I don't think that I can."

"Why not?"

"Because all those things that you've said and done that I should tell you were stupid and foolish, all those things just make me incredibly happy."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that I am very, very glad you are back in London. That you dared to take a step I wouldn't have taken."

"Where does that leave us?"

"At the beginning. Cora, I still don't think that we can just go back to what we were. But I think we can try to start again. Let me take you out to dinner, let's go to the cinema, or the theater."

"So you want the occasional date?"

"Maybe not just occasional. Let's have dinner tomorrow. I'll pick you up. I'll let you know when."

"So you'll send me away now."

"Cora, if I let you stay, you won't ever leave and that would not be good."

"Robert, I"

"Don't argue, please. And don't tell the girls. Don't tell them what you came back for."

"Why not?"

"Because we should do this by ourselves. Without anyone interfering."

"Not even our own daughters."

"Especially not them."

After that she leaves and he feels empty as soon as she is gone. Letting her go, forcing her to go was one of the hardest things he ever had to do. But he knows this is for the best, because if they want to start over again, they have to start at the beginning.

He makes reservations the next morning at ten and picks her up at six. She looks beautiful and he wishes he could take her home, but he made a promise to himself that he wouldn't. Because if he were to take her home, he wouldn't be able to let her go again and in the end, that would not be good for them. He tells himself that he shouldn't take her out more than twice, three times at most per week and he sticks to the plan. He sometimes gets the feeling that Cora is bothered by that but she never says anything. They don't do anything more than holding hands for the first four weeks of this but on one of their dates they go to a nice but not too upscale Italian restaurant and they stay at the restaurant a lot longer than they usually do. They talk and most of all they laugh. So much, that people from adjoining tables keep throwing them nasty glances. When they finally leave the restaurant, he offers Cora to walk her home and she agrees because her house isn't that far from the restaurant. They enjoy their walk back and he knows that Cora wants to ask him about coming inside with her, but she doesn't dare to ask the question. Instead she thanks him for a very nice evening and he thanks her in return and he doesn't know what happened but suddenly they kiss and the kiss is sweet and tender and loving. It is a kiss that says 'I love you'. He begins to wonder whether he shouldn't go inside with Cora after all when her mobile phone begins to ring. She breaks the kiss and he wants to admonish her for it but she looks at him as if she knew what he was going to say and tells him that it is Mary and that she should take this.

"Mary?...What? Mary take a deep breath. I can't understand what you are saying…Matthew what?...Which hospital is he at?...Mary, try to stay calm, don't go anywhere alone, I'm coming to your apartment right now and then we can go to the hospital together…I am at home, so I will be there in ten minutes…No Mary, you don't have to call your father, I'll tell him on my way there. Would you like him to come too?...All right. I'll see you in a few minutes, try to stay calm."

"Matthew has been in an accident and he is at the hospital. We have to go and pick up Mary."

"How serious is it?"

"I don't know but Mary is hysterical, which by itself is a disaster for the baby."

They take an utterly distraught Mary to the hospital who doesn't question why her parents arrived at her flat at the same time and have only brought one car. He is the one to ask for Matthew because Mary is hardly able to stand up right and needs to be held by Cora to make sure that she won't just fall. What the doctor tells him reliefs him to no end and he only realizes the weight that had been on his shoulders when it lifts. He walks over to where his wife and daughter are sitting and takes his daughter's hands. "He is fine, Mary. He has got a broken arm and a minor concussion but that is it. You can go see him now. We'll take you to his room."

They take Mary home an hour later and Cora promises to take her out for breakfast the next morning and then go to the hospital with her.

"How can you take her out for breakfast tomorrow? Don't you have a job to do?"

"No."

"What do you mean 'no'? I know that Mary can almost do what she wants, being her own boss, but no matter how much the company loves you, can you really just not go there?"

"I've made a deal with them. After telling them that I wouldn't take the job in New York, I also told them that I wasn't satisfied with the amount of time I had to spend at the office and told them that I wanted to be allowed to work from home as long and as often as I wanted to. They almost agreed to it. I still have to go to the office for meetings but for nothing else. So yes, I can take Mary out for breakfast tomorrow morning and then take her to the hospital."

"You've cut back on your job?"

"I work from home now, most of the time. But I've also cut back, that's true."

"Why?"

"Because I was working too much. I wouldn't have been able to go on three dates a week with you had I kept up the amount of work I was doing and I just realized that that was stupid. Money is not an issue for me, you know that and I actually make quite a lot of it on top of what I inherited. And then I thought that now that I have been offered my dream job, I have reached my professional goal, so I might just as well cut back a little. Don't argue Robert, tonight has shown me that it was the right thing to do. I couldn't help but wonder what would have happened had Matthew been hurt more seriously. And that just told me that you never know what is coming your way. So I am glad that I've slowed down."

"Well, I'm happy you are happy."

"Robert, I am not happy."

"Why not?"

"Because we've just been shown that life is short. I know how horribly cliché this sounds, but Matthew could have died, it was only lucky that he didn't. And it could be one of us next and all we do is dance around each other to not 'go too fast' as you like to say. Although we both want the same thing in the end."

"Then what would make you happy?"

"Think Robert. I won't spell it out for you."

They have now reached her door again and she says "Goodnight. I'll let you know tomorrow how Matthew is," while she unlocks the door.

"Goodnight," he says as the door closes and he is left outside alone.

* * *

AN: Thanks for the many reviews! They make my day!

Kat


	6. Chapter 6

The next two dates he invites her on she doesn't want to go on. She doesn't stand him up, she tells him right away and she doesn't even find excuses. When she says 'no' and he asks her why, she says "Because I just don't want to." He wonders whether he should ask one of his daughters for advice but then remembers that they don't know about anything that is going on between him and Cora and that it was him who told Cora not to mention it to them. But he has to talk to someone and in the end he decides to talk to Tom. He knows that if he tells Tom about it all and asks him not to mention it to anyone, not even Sybil or Matthew, Tom won't say a word. He has known Tom for nine years now, he used to be a class mate of Sybil's and the two became a couple when they were sixteen. He wasn't exactly overjoyed about this, mainly because he didn't want to think about his youngest daughter being grown up, but also because Tom had wanted to become a car mechanic and that did not seem the right kind of man for the daughter of an Earl. But it had turned out that Tom was rather intelligent and he is now working on his doctorate in engineering. It had also turned out that Tom and Sybil were prefect for one another, they are both so driven by their goals that even moving in together at age 19 hadn't stopped them from excelling at university. Sybil is now in the last stages of finishing her doctorate in psychology and he couldn't be prouder of her. He knows that Sybil won't be home in the morning, but that Tom very likely will be, so he just goes to their flat. And he is right, Tom is there and rather surprised when he sees Robert standing in front of him.

"So, you are telling me that Cora did not take her dream job in a city that she loves because of you."

"Yes."

"And you are also telling me that that was five weeks ago and that all you've done so far is take her on a couple of dates."

"Not just a couple, twelve."

"What did you do after those dates?"

"I took her home."

"As in you brought her to her door and said goodnight or as in you actually went home with her. Either to your house or hers."

"The first one."

"And you are surprised that she doesn't want to go on any more dates."

"Well, yes. I might have actually gone inside with her after the last date, but that was when Matthew had the accident and we had to go to the hospital."

"But you aren't sure whether you actually would have gone inside with her."

"No."

"Robert, I am sorry to say this, but you are a fool." If he didn't like Tom so much, he'd get mad at him now. But just like Matthew, Tom is almost like a son to him and he lets them get away with things he shouldn't let his daughters' husbands or boyfriends get away with. He sometimes wonders whether he is so cold towards Michael to compensate for his leniency towards Tom and Matthew.

"Why?"

"Because you are completely ignorant of Cora's feelings. I know that Mary told you to slow down a little, but that is certainly not what she meant. Especially not after Cora giving up her dream job for you."

"I just don't want us to be hurt again."

"Robert, I've known you and Cora for a long time, more than a third of my life and based on that, I think it is safe to say that you are hurting Cora quite a lot right now. She loves you, that is obvious for anyone to see who has spent more than three minutes in a room with the two of you. And you love her too. That is not as obvious at first glance, but I know you well and I know that it is true. And I think that you are afraid of being hurt yourself if it doesn't work out. Because you would be hurt. All you've done for the past year was mope around."

"Tom"

"You wanted my opinion. And it is not just mine. It is Matthew's opinion too."

"You and Matthew spend too much time together."

"No, we don't. And I thought you were happy that we got along so well."

"I am, but still. Talking about me."

"Robert. If you must know, Sybil and Mary think the same and so does Edith."

"Is all you do in your free time? Talk about me?"

"Certainly not. But we all worry about you. You say that Cora told you that she wasn't happy right now, but neither are you. But you have the ability to change that. Get back together with Cora, for real this time. It'll make her happy too. And finally quit your job."

"Why should I do that?"

"Because you've been complaining about only being a figurehead with a title for that law firm for years now. And Matthew has repeatedly asked you to work with him. And he certainly doesn't want you as a figurehead."

"What you are telling me is that I should change my life."

"What I am telling you is that you should get a grip on your life. There's a difference."

"I should be angry at you for how you talk to me."

"But you aren't because you like me. And you knew I'd talk to you exactly like this and that is why you wanted to talk to me."

"Maybe. Let's get lunch. I'll pay."

He enjoys lunch with Tom and they talk about other things, mainly soccer and cricket because they are both avid fans of both.

On his way home he wonders about what Tom said, both regarding Cora and his job. He knows that Tom is right, probably in both aspects but he decides not to do anything about his job before having talked to Cora about it, because regardless of how highly he values Tom's opinions, he values Cora's opinions even more. Because he is afraid that she will say no, he doesn't ask Cora for a date but just goes to her house. He knows there is a slight chance of her not being home, but somehow he doubts that she isn't home. And he is right, she opens the door for him almost as soon he has rung the doorbell.

"Robert." He knows she tries very hard, but she can't keep herself from smiling. "What are you doing here?"

"Visiting you."

"I am on my way out."

"No, you are not. You are wearing an old pair of jeans and my old uni sweatshirt. I've been looking for that for a year."

"I am about to have a visitor."

"Who? There are only six people who are allowed to see you like this. Matthew is still recuperating and I have no doubt that Mary wants to stay with him, I've had lunch with Tom today and he told me that he and Sybil were meeting friends tonight, Edith will have a baby in about a week and has doctor's orders to stay put and you can't be going there, because there is no way in the world that you'd let Michael let you see like this and he is bound to be with Edith."

"You know me too well."

"So will you let me in, please?"

"Well, since you are the sixth person, yes."

"Thank you."

"I don't have dinner for you."

"Let's order something."

"All right."

She orders the food for them while he goes in search of glasses and drinks and finds them almost immediately because the kitchen in this house is designed very closely to the kitchen in his house. Once they have sat down at the kitchen table Cora looks at him expectantly.

"Why are you here, Robert?"

"I missed you."

"I told you I didn't want to see you."

"You told me you didn't want to go on a date with me. But I wanted to see you, so I decided to come here."

"Robert, I didn't want to go on dates anymore because I am not sure that I can keep doing this."

"Keep doing what?"

"This. Us. I wonder if it wouldn't be better if we just stopped seeing each other. If we just got divorced. It would be really easy, we've already been separated for more than a year, the prenup is airtight, I need nothing from you, you need nothing from me. Wouldn't it be better to really put an end to it, instead of all this back and forth?"

The world is pulled from under his feet.


	7. Chapter 7

AN: This is a little confused (but not too much I hope) because I tried to mirror Robert's shock in his way of thinking without making it too hard to understand. Most of this chapter is stream-of-consciousness.

Thanks for all the reviews, you guys rock!

Kat

* * *

He wills himself to speak. "I won't accept that."

"What?"

"I won't accept a divorce."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want to be divorced from you."

"But you don't want a marriage either. You said we were married to each other but not in a marriage."

"That was stupid. I do want a marriage. Our marriage." She looks at him flabbergasted, as she if she thought he was lying.

"You do? Then why all this dancing around each other? Why all those weird dates? What was the purpose of that? Why make me feel so insecure?"

In that moment he realizes why she isn't happy. Because the way she sees their relationship and the way he sees it differ greatly. To him it has always been clear that going on dates with her had a purpose and that purpose had been the outcome of them getting back together for good and for him it had been set in stone that they would, there had just been a question of when. But to her, the outcome had not been set in stone, because by not telling her clearly what he wanted, he had led her to believe that he wasn't sure what he really wanted and of course that hadn't made her happy, of course it had made her feel insecure. She had given up everything for him and done that for a second time without the blinking of an eye. When they were young and their relationship had still been in its early stages he had made it clear that he could not live in New York, could not live anywhere outside of England and she had understood that. It had been logical, he was titled, even if it meant a lot less than it would have meant 70 or even 50 years ago, but he couldn't leave England, not for good.

And so she had moved to England, leaving all her friends and family, her home behind. He had thrown her into the English aristocracy, something she didn't really understand and obviously didn't approve of, but she had accepted becoming a part of the aristocracy for him without voicing a complaint once, had fulfilled her new role without complaining once, had hosted all the right parties, invited all the right people, had gone to all the right parties and behaved impeccably. The only thing she had done that had been slightly out of the ordinary, at least at the beginning of their marriage, had been that she had worked, but she had held a respectable job and he knows that she rejected several offers of better jobs and promotions that would have put her in the spotlight and she had said no to all those offers because she had known he would not have liked it. Not because he had thought she didn't deserve it, but because it would have been very American and not at all aristocratic. And all the while, she had managed to keep their family under the radar of the prying eyes of the press, had created a real family life for them. He had really seen his children grow up and it had been his wife's doing. Had it been his decision, their girls would have been raised by an army of nannies and he would have seen them an hour every day at most. Because that was how things were done. But while Cora had not objected to having a nanny, it had been the only way for her to go to work, the nanny had been there to take care of the children while both he and Cora had been at work, and as soon as one of them had come home, the nanny had been dismissed and they had taken care of their children themselves. He hadn't tried to fight her on it when she told him how she wanted to raise their children while she had been pregnant for the first time and he had known that she was right, that her way was better, the moment he had held Mary in his arms for the first time. It wouldn't have been possible for him to pass her off to an array of night time nurses and nanny's for the next 18 years.

It had been Cora who had told him not worry about not producing an heir when they didn't have son, it had been her who had convinced him that a title didn't matter, that he was allowed to be happy with just having girls. He had been secretly relieved when the doctor told them that their third child was going to be their third girl. He had told Cora so one night in the dark, afraid to look at her. He had told her that he was relieved that they were going to have another girl because he could not imagine himself to be the father of a boy, because he thought that he was destined to be the father of girls only. He had been so ashamed of that and Cora had told him that there was nothing to be ashamed of, that she was sure he'd be able to be a good father of a boy but that they wouldn't have to worry about that as they had only girls. She had told him that they either would or wouldn't find the heir and that it didn't really matter as they lived in the 20th century and not the 19th. And he had been able to believe her because he had begun to live by her standards and not those of his parents.

When his father suddenly died without any forewarning both he and Cora had only been 32 years old, far too young to become and Earl and a Countess, even if that meant a lot less than it had a few decades ago. They had had three very young daughters then and he had almost broken down with the pressure of it all, but his wife had helped him figure it all out, had helped him to get through it all.

When they had found his heir, had found out that he was a 14 year old boy whose father had been dead for eight years, he had without wanting to become a father figure to Matthew and it had been Cora who had helped him with that. When Tom entered their lives a few years later and it had transpired that he was another fatherless boy, he had become a father figure to him too, again with Cora's help. Both Tom and Mathew have told him repeatedly that they wouldn't be where or who they are without him, but he is sure that none of it was really his doing, that he wouldn't have been able to become the father of those two boys without Cora's guidance.

And after having done all that, at some point, after their girls and Tom and Matthew had long been grown up, she had finally concentrated on her career only and had spent more time at work than at home, had finally taken the promotions offered to her. And instead of supporting her, he had played the neglected husband and had kissed his secretary who had blabbed about it to Cora, who had confronted him and he had then told her that it was her fault. She had then taken a job offer in New York she had actually wanted to decline. And then she had come back, because of him, had rejected her dream job in a city she loved, had again left quite a good part of her life behind for him and he had thanked her by pushing her away and leaving her in the dark.

"Because I am an inconsiderate fool," he says to her.


	8. Chapter 8

She smiles at him and says "That you are."

"I know and I'm sorry. I really am."

"About being an inconsiderate fool."

"About everything. All I wanted was to make sure that we would be happy again. I just didn't want to rush things."

"So you've slowed them to a stop. Or almost."

"I'm afraid I have."

"Why?"

"Tom thinks it's because I was afraid of being hurt should it not work out."

"Tom knows about all this?"

"I've talked to him this morning."

"Why Tom?"

"I had to talk to someone and Matthew would have told Mary the moment I had left their flat, regardless of me asking him not to. But Tom won't breathe a word of it to anyone."

"That is true. Why didn't you talk to me?"

"How could I have done that? It was about you. Or about me. I don't really know."

"Is Tom right? Are you are you afraid of being hurt?"

"Of course I am. Now more so than ever. Until this morning I was rather confident that things would work out. Tom caused me to doubt it a little and now you have caused me to doubt it a lot. And I don't know what to do."

"Robert," she takes his hands and looks at him with a smile he hasn't seen on her for quite some time. "We can't go on as we have because it is not what we want, neither one of us. So we are left with two options. We either stop it right now. We can part as friends, we should, we are still the parents of our girls and will very soon be the grandparents of their children. And we would be able to part as friends, we genuinely like each other."

"Or?"

"Or we risk being hurt for the chance of being happy. Although I doubt we'd be able to part as friends if it didn't work out."

"It's a high risk. We'd make the lives of our children and grandchildren rather difficult then, quite besides the fact that we'd both get hurt worse than ever before."

"If it didn't work out. If it did work out, we'd make their lives a lot easier because they would never have to deal with either one of us having someone new in our lives, quite besides the fact that we'd both be very happy."

"Where does that leave us?"

"At the question of whether we are willing to take the risk of being hurt more than ever before."

"Are you?"

He prays to the heavens that she is because he certainly is willing to take the risk. He doesn't want to be friends with her, it is not who they are.

"Are you?"

"I don't want you to be my friend. I want you to be my wife."

"Which means you are willing to take the risk."

"I am."

She nods and then raises her eyebrows. It is driving him mad that she doesn't say anything.

* * *

She keeps looking at him and to her own surprise she doesn't know what to say. She had thought she knew, she had been sure that her answer would have been yes, but she isn't sure anymore. Robert's dancing around her has set her teeth on edge. She had expected him to be happy when she had returned to England after rejecting the job in New York, she had been sure that he would be overjoyed to see her. But he hadn't been, he had pushed her away and it had hurt. She had tried to understand, but she hadn't been able to. Maybe he had been right in thinking that they were moving too fast, but he has been moving at a snail's pace for weeks on end now and that wasn't why she left New York a second time for him. Of course, she had also returned because of their children and grandchildren, but her main reason had been Robert, because after having lived without him for a year, she had had quite enough it. She had been so happy when he had come to New York with her, she had been sure that they had returned to being what they had been before he had kissed that secretary. Their girls had told her that Robert had moped around for the whole year she hadn't been in England, which was exactly what she had done in New York. It had given her hope, a hope that she had thought to have turned into reality the moment they had kissed after he had arrived on her doorstep, all wet from the rain. But she had been fooled. He had called her returning to England a 'foolish attempt' and it is still hard for her not to break down in tears whenever she thinks about him saying that. But then again, he had said sorry. For being an inconsiderate fool and that is what he is. She had always known that he was a little foolish when it came to love. He had spent six months in New York for her, although he hated the city, but he had only told her that he loved her a few minutes before he had to get on the plane that would return him to England. He had proposed to her a little more than half a year later in rather romantic way on his family's estate, but after she had said 'yes' he had said that they really could only get married if she moved to England. It hadn't been unkind and she had been very well aware of that of course, but it had been very clumsy. Just as clumsy as saying "Oh dear God, what are we supposed to do with a baby?" when she had told him about them expecting their first child. It had turned out that he had been overjoyed at becoming a father but he hadn't been able to show it, not right away. He had of course done so half an hour later, taking her out to lunch and looking at baby clothes with her afterwards for the rest of the afternoon and talking of nothing else for days and treating her like a queen for the rest of her pregnancy, something he had done during her other two pregnancies as well. He has in fact, always treated her like a queen, in his own sometimes rather clumsy way. For thirty years he catered to her every need. Yes, she had stepped back, had refused promotions and offers of better jobs, had behaved according to the rules of the English aristocracy and had done everything to keep their family under the radar of the press. But she had done all that because their happiness had always been most important to her, not because Robert had asked it of her. And they had been a very happy, quite normal family and she knows that she has to thank Robert for that. He did not fight her on raising their children themselves, on having only one daytime nanny. He had pulled his weight just as much as she had, had taken care of their girls at night when they had been sick just as much as she had, had been there for them just as much as she had. And he had done so much more. He once told her that he thought he wouldn't be able to be the father of a boy, yet at her insistence he had become a father figure for Matthew. He had been openly accepting of both Matthew and Tom because it had been what she had wanted, what she had thought best. It was what fit her idea and ideals of a family best and Robert had never questioned her on that. He had been supportive when she had finally focused on her career only, until that had somehow excluded him. She had been too caught up in her work, she knows that and there is a part of her that understands why he kissed that other woman. She wishes he would have just told her how he had felt but she is almost sure that he didn't because it would have meant that she would have had to cut back and that was something he didn't want her to do, he wanted her to be successful, to do meaningful work. Quite opposed to the kind of work he has been doing for the last five years. Just like Matthew he had studied law but also has a degree in philosophy. He had wanted to work in international relations and had done so for a while, but over the course of time he had been turned into a titled figurehead at the law firm he worked for. He never mentioned it, but she is sure that he too had been offered better, more fulfilling jobs and that he too had rejected those jobs for them, for her. She looks at him one more time and sees the hope and pleading in his eyes that almost reduce her to tears.

"Cora," he says, saying her name so softly it makes a shiver run down her spine.

"Yes. Let's take that risk."


	9. Chapter 9

He isn't sure whether he heard it right. "Yes?" he asks her.

"Yes."

He leans forward and kisses her and finally she kisses him back. He realizes just now how stupid he has been, how much he had missed this and that missing this was a clear sign of love. Just when he is about to say this to her, the doorbell rings.

"That'll be the food," she says.

"I'll get it."

When he comes back with the food Cora has lit candles and set the table.

"There was something I wanted to ask you about," he says to her once they have started to eat.

"Go ahead then."

"Matthew has asked me to work with him three times now and I wonder if I should do it."

"What does he want you to do?"

"His cases become more international. He says he needs someone to help him with the international relations part of it."

"That sounds good."

"Yes. But I would earn considerably less money."

"Does that matter?"

"I suppose not."

"But?"

"But I wonder if it is such a good idea. He has made it clear to me that he doesn't really want me to work for him but with him. But how can I be sure that it will work out? I don't want to fight with Matthew."

"Have you told him that?"

"Yes. He says he doesn't see that as a problem."

"Trust him. If it is what you want to do, do it."

"It might take me abroad from time to time. Matthew actually wanted me to go to Singapore instead of him. He'd have come only for the last week."

"You like travelling, don't you?"

"In general yes. But what about you?"

"What about me? I could come with you if you wanted me to, or I could stay here. It really doesn't matter, I can work from anywhere."

"What about your meetings?"

"I won't go. If they don't like it, I can't help it. Because I like to travel too."

"It would be nice to have a job that has a purpose."

"Then do it. Matthew will love you for it because he will be very reluctant to leave Mary now."

"I'll tell him tomorrow."

After they have eaten and cleared away the dishes she asks him "Will you stay?"

"I'd love to but I can't. There are a few things I have to take care of tonight. It's about some matters with the estate. You could come home with me if you wanted to."

"I want to," she says. "I'll get my things."

So he takes her home and this time he actually hopes that she won't leave again.

* * *

Two Weeks Later

"You look worried."

"I am worried."

"What about?"

"The estate."

"Why?"

"Because we might have to sell it."

"What? Why?"

"Because it apparently is in a desolate state and it would cost millions of pounds to fix it. Anyway, I have to go there on Friday morning and will probably spend the weekend."

"Would you like me to come?"

"Yes, but I understand if you want to stay here, spend more time with our lovely granddaughter."

"To be honest Robert, I think Edith and Michael would be very glad if I went away for the weekend."

"So you'll come?"

"Yes, I'll come with you."

He is glad she is coming with him because this might very well be the last time that he goes to the estate while it is really his, the next time he goes it will probably be to meet someone who wants to buy it. He hopes he will find someone who will put it to good use and not tear it down because that would be rather painful for him.

When they drive towards the estate he feels a lump in his throat. He spent quite a good portion of his childhood here, this estate had really been his home once. He and Cora had taken their girls here as often as they could, he proposed to Cora here and married her here. He can't imagine to let it all go, but yet he knows he will have to. He feels Cora squeeze his hand and knows that she is thinking the same. No matter how much she might have disapproved of the aristocracy itself, she had always loved this house. He takes her by the hand as they walk inside and seeing the entrance hall almost makes him cry. He does not want to give this up, but according to the manager of the estate, he will have to, unless he was willing to invest millions into the estate. And while he would certainly be willing to do that, he doubts that he will be able to do it.

The manager and a constructor take them through the house and point out what needs to be repaired. The main rooms are all in very good condition and so are most of the 'family rooms' but what used to be servants' quarters and the guest wings look about to cave in.

"How is it possible that nobody has noticed this until now?" he asks the manager.

"Because the house hasn't been used in over a year and we took care of the main rooms only."

"What do you suggest?"

"Sell it. Or repair it, but that would be very expensive."

"How expensive?" It is Cora who asks the question he wouldn't have dared to ask.

"Around five million pounds, give or take half a million." The number makes him dizzy because even without talking to the bank, he knows he cannot afford this. He feels Cora squeeze his hand again and is thankful for her support.

They spend the rest of the afternoon walking around the estate without saying much because he can't put his feelings into words. They eat in what is called the 'breakfast room' because two people are just not enough to eat in the dining room. He wonders if they should have one last meal with the whole family in that dining room, whether he should make such a meal a white-tie occasion. He isn't sure whether Michael actually owns a set of tails, but he could borrow one. Matthew and Tom both own tails because they used to come here for Christmas and New Year's and he had always insisted on having at least two white tie dinners during that time, for tradition's sake. The housekeeper has prepared 'their room' for them, the room that would belong to the Countess if she actually lived here. He and Cora have slept in this room whenever they were here since the death of his father and wonders if this is the last time that they will use this room.

The next morning they meet the manager again and this time he brings the gardener who tells them that the park surrounding the estate is in a surprisingly good condition and that it has apparently turned into a place where people working in the village like to spend their lunch breaks and families like to spend their Sunday afternoons. He has never allowed this to happen but he doesn't see why it shouldn't so he keeps silent about it. When the gardener and the manager leave them alone they stand in front of the Abbey and look at it. Eventually Cora turns to him and says "You don't want to sell."

"No. This estate has been in my family for over 230 years. I know there is no way we can hold on to it, but I wish there was. But even if I found a way to keep it, which I won't, it probably wouldn't be worth it because Matthew would sell it or at least hand it over to the Trust Fund."

"I wouldn't be too sure about that."

"Why not?"

"Because it would not be what Mary would want. If the estate stayed in the family and we used it more again, they would have memories here too. They do in fact. Matthew proposed to Mary here too."

"I know. But it is useless to talk about this, because it will have to go. Although it will break my heart."

"If we invested in it, it could be put to use, it could be used to earn money."

"How?"

"Turn parts of it into a hotel. Not our private rooms, but the rooms in the guest wing. I am sure that people would pay quite a lot to stay here. You could have reenactment weekends here. Let guests pretend they are characters of Pride and Prejudice. Or that they lived here in the 1920s. Something like that. Officially open the park to the public and take a fee. Not much for the people who live in the village, just a small annual fee, kids under the age of 10 for free. Install a playground around here somewhere. People who are not from the village but want to see the park have to pay an entrance fee. Open parts of the house for visitors, take an entrance fee for that as well. It wouldn't have to be much, but I am sure that people would come and pay. Close everything down for Christmas and New Year's so we can be here with everyone by ourselves. We could in fact come here whenever we liked because we could still be here while it was open as a hotel."

"Darling, while that sounds like a good business plan, there is no way it can be set in motion because I cannot afford to invest what will probably turn out to be rather close to six million pounds into this estate. I just can't."

"You can't. I could."

"No."

"Yes. I've been thinking about selling the penthouse in New York anyway."

"Why would you do that?"

"Why would I not do that? I don't need it."

"You could rent it out."

"I could, but somehow I can't be bothered."

"That penthouse used to belong to your father."

"Yes. It is where he went with the women he cheated on my mother with. I have no attachment to it."

"You used to live there."

"During the worst year of my life."

"Cora, I know things are going well between us right now. But we still can't be sure that this will work. I can't let you invest that much in money in something that belongs to me when there is a still a danger of us splitting up again."

"I don't think that danger is very real."

"You don't?"

"No, I don't know. But we don't have to make a decision now. We should sleep on it."


	10. Chapter 10

"Darling, wake up. We will be in New York soon."

"What?"

"We'll land at JFK in 20 minutes."

"I want to go home."

"Robert."

"Hm"

"You've fallen asleep again."

"I was dreaming of you."

"I am sitting next to you."

"In my dream you wore fewer clothes."

"Robert, we are on a plane."

"Sorry."

She shakes her head at her husband. She loves him with all her heart but sometimes he is just incorrigible, although she loves that about him too. She looks at him and he seems to be close to falling asleep again and so she leans closer to him to whisper in his ear. "The sooner you wake up, the sooner we'll get off the plane, the sooner we will be at the hotel. Maybe I'll wear even fewer clothes there than in your dream." Just as she had predicted, he jolts awake.

As soon as they have got their suitcases they walk towards the passport control, but unlike the last time they came to New York, she joins him in the line for non-US citizens. The officer raises his eyebrows at her when he sees her passport and she replies "I just wanted to stay with my husband."

"Married to an English man, huh?"

"Very happily."

Robert squeezes her hand at this and she turns to him and smiles. She looks for a cab and gets one but this time she lets him do the checking in at the hotel. It is the hotel they stayed in the last time as well and she supposes that Robert picked it to make up for something. They go to their room and once they are inside Robert throws himself backwards onto the bed and says "I'm glad we are off that plane. I like to go to different places, but I do not enjoy flying. Not at all."

She smiles at him and joins him on the bed. "We have all of today to ourselves. Let's enjoy that. I'll meet the real estate agent tomorrow while you work. I am sure I will have to meet him more than once and you have to work every day this week and the next."

"I won't have to work Saturday or Sunday. I told them I wouldn't and Matthew backed me up on that. I wanted to have the weekend with you. I won't go to any business parties or dinners either. Not at the weekend and not at night. I want to spend time with you."

"What will you do if they offer to show you around New York? Can you really say no to that?"

"Yes. I'll tell them that I already have a tour guide so to speak because you are from here. They know you are here with me, over the past four months I have almost become famous for never travelling without you. And I'd much rather see your New York than that of some lawyers who all think they need to impress me with an insanely expensive restaurant on the top of a tall building."

"I might want to go to such a restaurant."

"Then I will gladly take you there. But there is a difference between going there with a group of colleagues I hardly know and the love of my life."

She has to swallow at this. After all they have been through, she is still the love of his life. He is the love of her life too, she wouldn't have decided to invest millions of pounds into his estate otherwise. But she can afford it and he loves the estate. She loves it too, if for different reasons and it is a sensible investment. They are saving a piece of history and opening it to the public. But what is more important to her is that it stays in the family and that they are able to spend time there. They have gone to the estate at least two weekends a months over the course of the last four months. Their children came along with them, Matthew even went there alone with Mary several times because it is so quiet and peaceful and he thought it would be good for her to relax. Both she and Robert agreed with Matthew whole-heartedly. By Christmas Mary will have had the baby and they will spend the holidays with their children and grandchildren at Downton Abbey. Robert had insisted on at least one white tie dinner and all the girls and Matthew and Tom had said that two might be nicer. They decided on Christmas Eve and New Year's day, but she knows that their girls are planning a third white tie dinner sometime between those days as well. Robert loves those dinners and as archaic as those dinners are, their girls, Matthew and even Tom love them too. And so does she, because Robert looks rather dashing in his tails and she likes to wear nice dresses.

"Earth to Cora. What are you thinking about?"

"You in your tails. You look rather dashing in them."

"Rather dashing? That is rather English."

"Well, I've been married to an English man for a long time."

"Lucky fellow."

"Very lucky. You should meet him, he is nice. I think he deserve to be lucky."

"Nice."

"Yes. And very sweet."

"Nice and sweet."

"And very good looking, especially in his tails."

"Nice, sweet and good looking in tails."

"He is also intelligent."

"He is a genius."

"Why do you think so?"

"Because he married you. And because he remembers that you said something about wearing fewer clothes than you did in his dream about you. And you only wore your underwear in that dream."

"He can also be pretty demanding in the bedroom."

"Is that a good thing?"

"A very good thing."

She screams with a mixture of surprise and joy when he pushes her on her back and attacks her with kisses.

She excuses herself from their table to go talk to a few acquaintances she saw when they entered the restaurant. They have just ordered and she said that this would be the perfect time for her to 'get talking to those people out of the way'. He watches her while she walks away and keeps staring at her while she talks to those people. They are obviously happy to see her, especially the men at the table. Two of them are openly goggling at her but she ignores them. She is such a wonderful woman and he loves her so much that it sometimes hurts. He still can't believe that he almost let her go because of his own stubbornness and he is thankful to her for not giving up on them. The past few months have been among the happiest of his life. He has never spent so much time with her because she travels with him everywhere and he travels quite a lot. Matthew is an excellent lawyer but really not that good when it comes to talking to important clients, especially those from other countries. He is much better at that and Matthew accepts that and leaves the talking to the clients to him. Cora insisted on only having to attend meetings at the publishing house when she is actually in the country and after a few heated discussions with her superiors and a threat on her part to leave and go freelance all together, she got exactly what she wanted.

In an act that he thinks can only have been motivated by deep love she decided to save his childhood home. She insists that she did for them not only for him, but her reasons all somehow go back to him. He proposed to her in the rose garden at the Abbey, they got married in the village church and held the reception at the Abbey, she told him of all her pregnancy while they stayed there, Sybil who had come four weeks early had even been born in the village hospital and the first days she had spent at 'home' had been spent at the Abbey. They spent their Christmases there when their girls still lived with them and even a few Christmases after that. And a few months ago it had been there that he had realized that he should belief Cora's words that they wouldn't split up again. After she had told him that she considered selling her penthouse in New York and investing the money into his childhood home, they spent the evening together in a manner they hadn't really done in over a year. He took her to one of the village restaurants and they walked home afterwards, where he took her to the 'ball room' of their house. He turned on music for them and then danced with her for some time. They went into the sitting room later on, where they both had a drink and then he took her upstairs where they made love in the truest sense of the words, in a way that speaks more of unconditional deep love than of desire and is incredibly satisfying, physically but even more so emotionally. He had told her how much he loved her afterwards and she had fallen asleep in his arms and he had realized then how close they were, how deeply they loved each other and that there was nothing that could keep them apart.

She now talks to one of the men goggling at her so obviously and he almost has to laugh at that man's fruitless attempts to flirt with her. She shakes her head and then looks over at him as if to indicate that she wasn't alone. That man throws him a dirty look and he shrugs his shoulders at him. Cora then seems to say goodbye to everyone at the table and she turns around and walks back to him. The moment she realizes that he looks at her, her face breaks into a smile, a smile that sends a shiver down his spine.

"That's done, thank goodness. I do not particularly like those people."

"Then why did you talk to them?"

"Because they saw us coming in."

"One of the men tried to flirt with you."

"Yes, that was Andrew. The man who asked all those impertinent questions on the phone."

"Oh, him. I don't like him."

"Neither do I. He wanted me to join them for dinner and when I said you were here too he said that we should both join them, but I told him I'd much rather spend the evening with you alone. He did not take that well." He laughs at this and takes her hand that is lying on the table in his. She smiles at him again and then says "I am glad we came to New York."

"Yes." He knows she is glad about it because they are here now without fighting, they are doing now what she had wanted to months ago and they would have done months ago had he not been so stupid.

"Stop beating yourself over the head with it, Robert."

"You can read my mind, can't you?"

"I can read your face, my love."

"I am trying not to think about it too much." He really tries not to brood too much over his own stupidity. Cora keeps saying that it is not necessary, that they are happy now and that there is no reason to brood about anything. She keeps telling him to be happy about the grandchild they already have and the one they will have very soon and he is overjoyed about being a grandfather and having his children and grandchildren with them for Christmas and New Year's. Even Tom and Sybil who he is sure wouldn't mind attending one of the London parties on New Year's Eve will stay with them the whole time. He hasn't looked forward to Christmas this much for a very long time but he can't stop thinking about what would have happened if he and Cora had split up for good.

"Darling, we won't split. We are done with that."

"I know."

"By the way, the real estate agent has already found several potential buyers, so I'll finally be able to get rid of the penthouse."

"Get rid of it?"

"Robert, you know how I feel about it. I will feel much better once the money is invested in a house I am emotionally attached to, a place I love."

"As long as you are sure."

"Of course I am. It is our house, darling. A house that represents our family, not an apartment that represents two broken marriages to me. And I'd much rather own the place where one of those broken marriages was fixed."

"It was that weekend, wasn't it? When we went to the Abbey to look at the damage. That was when we finally repaired what had been broken."

"Yes."

"Have you been happy since then?"

"Very happy. The last few months certainly are among the happiest of my life. I wouldn't say that I've never been this happy, because we were very happy before, well you know, but I couldn't be any happier than I am now."

He has both her hands in his now and chuckles a little. "We feel the same then." The smile on her face makes his heart skip a beat.

They walk back to their hotel hand in hand later on and before going to their room, they go onto the roof to look at New York.

"Won't you miss it?"

"No. I love New York, it's true, but we can always come back here for a few days. It isn't my home anymore; it hasn't been my home for thirty years. My home is in England. Our house in London and the Abbey."

"You know, when I married you I was afraid that I was taking something from you."

"You didn't take anything that wouldn't have been worth it. And you gave me quite a lot in return. You've made me very happy. You are making me very happy every single day."

He stands behind her now and wraps his arms around her waist.

"You know, when I saw your name in that phonebook, when I realized that you had returned to England, I thought I was dreaming. Because I had dreamed of you returning for a year by that time. My life was miserable without you. I am so thankful for you. I know I don't tell you this often enough but you are making me very happy too. I love you."

She turns around in his arms and looks into his eyes.

"I love you too." He kisses her then, a sweet and tender kiss that turns into so much more, more than he ever thought would have been possible only a few months ago, more than he thinks he deserves. But she gives it to him all the same because she loves him as deeply as he loves her. Before they fall asleep he makes a silent vow to never let her go again, to always take her home again.

* * *

AN: This was the final chapter for a fic that has gone totally out of hand. Thanks for sticking with me and all the lovely reviews!

Kat


End file.
